Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Remember February 12th...

My grandmother passed away February 12, 2009. About 7am Guatemala time, 5am California time. My mom called me about 15 - 20 minutes after she had passed. She was a wreck. I couldn't fall back to sleep. Despite being exhausted I sat in bed and cried. When I finally started to drift back to sleep, my cousin Sharon called to tell me the news. She was a wreck. I tried to give her comforting words to help, but all I could say was..."Oh my God".

My grandmother had this way of making me smile. She had this habit of gently grabbing your nose and then bringing her hand to her lips and kissing it while saying "mi nariz". My nose. She did that for your chin, lips, ears...but mainly your nose.

I thought because she lives far and I don't see her very often that I wouldn't feel it much. I was wrong. I cried. I cried a lot. Then I got up, got ready and went to work. I was in zombie mode for most of the morning. And then Michelle asked me if I was ok. I said yes. But she didn't really think I was. So she quietly asked me what was wrong. And I told her. She hugged me, and I lost it. I got up to compose myself, and in a matter of 5 minutes I called my brother, talked to a friend and talked to my husband. I couldn't stop crying. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I went home early.

At home I tried to sleep, just to pass the time until I could figure out if I could go to Guatemala to be with my family, to see if my brother was going to go. To just hear from my family in Guatemala. But, I couldn't sleep. As much as I tried, I couldn't. I wasn't able to go to Guatemala, but my brother did. He left last week on Thursday, and arrived in time for the burial on Friday afternoon.

My father is contemplating moving back to the States because the main reason he was spending most of his time in Guatemala was because he wanted to be near my grandma. I just want him to be 100% sure of what he wants to do. I know it's not good to make decisions while you're still grieving. And right now, we're still grieving.

No comments: