Thursday, September 25, 2008

Back in the swing of things

We went, we saw, we played games, we ate, we (not I) fished, we had a wonderful time. It was amazing. The Farmhouse we stayed in was beautiful. I have decided that some time in the future, I want a farmhouse to call mine. Mind you, I love California and I'm a city girl and I probably won't be too happy after 1 month there, but I want it. We had so much fun, it was sad to see it all end. I just about cried when we left the "Buffalo Bistro" after having dinner with the family. Seeing everyone going off one way and JT and I going was almost heartbreaking.

I love that my family bonds over board games. Mind you we also cooked and shopped and ate Spectacular Pie, but the games. Oh how I love the games. I'm convinced Michelle cheats. She somehow always wins. Oh and then when you start to catch up she tells you to "Suck it". Not really, but with my bad hearing, that's what I hear. I really bonded with my family even more. I got to feel Allyssa's belly and I'm convinced I touched the baby's butt. I'm proud of Allyssa for starting herself on a meal plan. It's something that can only help her and the baby. I'm anxious to have my niece or nephew here. Oh how they'll make birthdays and christmas so much more exciting.

We had great food. Michelle can cook! It was too cute watching her and Jared cook together. They are simply adorable together. We tried watching 1 movie about 3 times, and we all fell asleep after about 15 minutes. I am so happy I got to go. And we're planning to go back, for a whole week next time. I can't wait.

So back to the routine of work, church, family, and gym. We lifted weights yesterday. I'm anxious to get things tighter. And judging from the soreness in my upper body (It was so hard to get dressed this morning), we were in desperate need of it. Of course, when you're in the pool no one tells you you're doing it wrong and you can die or become paralyzed from the machines, but it's a great experience. One of the trainers insisted on telling me I could die from the way I was using a machine. So I'll make sure to read the instructions on the machines. I promised JT.

My wonderful JT. I loved spending all those days with him. He went off fishing a couple days, and it was great for him and his dad and brothers. But I loved getting up and spending time with him. We'll be married 5 years in a couple months and it's a HUGE deal to us. We're planning on going out of town for the weekend and just do stuff we love to do. I am more in love with him now than I was when we got married. He really is the love of my life, and I can't thank him enough for making my life that much better.

I'm in a really good place right now. And I'm happy about that.

Friday, September 12, 2008

A fishin' we will go

JT's parents rented a cabin in Utah. We're going up there Wednesday morning. Tuesday night we leave California and head to Nevada, where we will sleep a few hours and wake the next morning to a busy house trying to get all their stuff together. We'll all hit the road and be on our way to Utah. I am So excited.

Growing up I was a huge fan of camping. My mom was amazing. She would give us each a thing to be in charge of. And we'd help her get that thing together. She always over packed food, and it drove me nuts. Why so much food mom? Why always packing pots, pans, skillets, coffee pots, Do we really need a huge salt shaker? But she knew why she took that stuff. She'd make us feasts while we camped. My favorite thing in the world, to this day, is waking up under the blankets, while outdoors in a tent and smelling pancakes. I live for that! She'd make us fresh salsa, fresh beans, fresh everything. Sure she could open a can and get some bean-type substance, but Cooking and caring for her family was always how my mom showed her love.

This trip won't be camping. It'll be staying in a cabin. And I'm so happy. Frankly, after my family camping trips, which usually involved the WHOLE church, we'd get back and be exhausted. I think I may still be exhausted, but it won't be quite as bad.

I'm excited to spend time with the McCartys. Last time we went and stayed in a cabin it was with the majority of the Halls. My mother-in-law's family. It was fun. Tons of fun. But oh man, it was hectic. I'm not sure I was prepared for that. We stayed a few days and then spent another day in Pahrump. This time around it'll be Tim & Cindy, Gramps & Grandma, Matt & Allyssa, Jared & Michelle, Evan, and JT and I. It'll be a small group of people I love so much. It's exciting.

Preparing for the trip is an adventure in itself. Of course I want to take everything. I MUST have new shoes. I MUST have new tops. I MUST buy economy sized bottles of shampoo, because Lord knows it won't be enough having a regular sized bottle. I'm a little nuts when it comes to packing. For this reason, I am starting now. Starting to gather and then I can slowly cut back the amount of stuff I take. Let's hope there's enough room in the back of the car.

I will take walks with Allyssa and Michelle and take many many pictures. I will play games, I'm sure Phase10 will be one of those. I will sit and rub Allyssa's belly. I will watch movies. I will enjoy nature. I will read books. I will cook. I will enjoy cooking. I will sit and just relax. I will whip some of my beloved family members at MarioKart for the Wii. I will enjoy myself. I will have a fabulous time with MY family.

I can't wait.

Thursday, September 4, 2008


My sister-in-law is a sweetheart.  Allyssa is a very sweet girl, and I love her.  I've only known her for a short time, but I have to say the fact that we have a "Cyber" relationship has brought us closer together.  We email frequently.  We email quite frequently.  Whenever my blackberry makes that funny little noise that means I have a message and I see it's her, I MUST read it immediately.  Often I feel I need to reply right away.  I've gotten to know her and love her more with each email.  When I saw her this past weekend, I just wanted to hug her and not let go.  She's having a baby!! This is going to be my first Niece or Nephew.  And it's exciting!  I am so happy that this is happening.  It's a crazy ride, and I hope to be there to help in any way I can.

Allyssa emailed me tonight and said some incredibly kind things to me.  She read my blog and she said something along the lines of "you may have a hard time now, but you know what, it's for the best" and she sweetly ended her email with "I'm sorry if that made you mad".  

First, She's right.  Even though it's hard now, it'll get better.  No matter what, I will be a mom.  It may not be the way we thought it would happen, or maybe it will.  We don't know, but with all this stuff I'm going through now I will appreciate my children so much because of it.  Not that people who got pregnant right off the bat don't appreciate their kids, but this will make my story personal to me, and a little different.  Personally, it's a wonderful thought.  Thank you Allyssa.  

Secondly, You didn't make me mad.  I'm usually okay with it.  I can grin and bare the question of when we're going to have kids most of the time.  Actually it makes me smile that people just know we'll be good parents.  If you don't get the question, that's when you worry.  Ha.  Yeah, I don't usually mind it.  But then there are people who assume that by me saying "soon" I'm saying "Oh, not until things are all perfect"  I don't want to hear "You're never ready, just go for it"  Seriously?  You're never ready?  You can at least try, right?  We're ready.  Mind you, we may need to buy child safe plug covers and maybe something to hide all the wires in the house, but otherwise...READY!  It's ok to ask.  I love that you want that for us too.  I want badly to have that cousin for your Little.  

I struggle sweets, but watching you be pregnant and see you get all cute and just so beautiful, well, it gives me a glimpse into the beauty that is the circle of life.  Thank you for caring.  You mean a lot to me.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

And so it begins...

I've been reading people's blogs for a while, and I mostly lurk. I hide and laugh (internally of course) and cry, and enjoy it so much. I am fascinated by people allowing others to take a peek into their lives. It amazes me. I may at one point be able to share as much as most do, but for now...This is me.

At the nudging of my friend, Adriann, and of my new Sister-In-Law, Allyssa, I will be documenting what is my battle with weight-loss, and the ultimate goal of having a child.

The weight-loss part of it came thanks to Adriann and her suggestion that we go to the gym together during lunch. It's been great. I had mentioned to her that I was way too stressed and that I really just needed to get rid of a lot of that extra energy I had. So we started in July. It's now September, and we're swimming about 4 times a week. We do 1/2 a mile, and it's great. Our bathing suits don't fit much anymore. This is Victory! So far, I've lost about 20lbs. This is HUGE for me. I can pack it on, but taking it off has never really worked. Working out and with the help of JT, my husband, the food situation is improving. We're eating healthy food. Hey, it can be tasty, who would have known?

The baby stuff....Hmmm. Well, we're trying. It's going to be an uphill battle, this I know. The Dr. said "Polycystic Ovary Syndrome", which is scary, but not untreatable. I'm hoping that with the weight loss will come the healthy ovaries.

I'm just tired of the "So, when are you guys having kids?" that I so frequently get. I know it's just a natural question, and they don't know what I've been struggling with, but I just want to come right out and say "Hey I have bum ovaries. It's not like we aren't trying. Believe you me, we do. I'm just a little defective!" But I'll usually say "Not yet" and I know you can see in my face that it kills me. It does.

This is my struggle.