Sweets...

My sister-in-law is a sweetheart.  Allyssa is a very sweet girl, and I love her.  I've only known her for a short time, but I have to say the fact that we have a "Cyber" relationship has brought us closer together.  We email frequently.  We email quite frequently.  Whenever my blackberry makes that funny little noise that means I have a message and I see it's her, I MUST read it immediately.  Often I feel I need to reply right away.  I've gotten to know her and love her more with each email.  When I saw her this past weekend, I just wanted to hug her and not let go.  She's having a baby!! This is going to be my first Niece or Nephew.  And it's exciting!  I am so happy that this is happening.  It's a crazy ride, and I hope to be there to help in any way I can.

Allyssa emailed me tonight and said some incredibly kind things to me.  She read my blog and she said something along the lines of "you may have a hard time now, but you know what, it's for the best" and she sweetly ended her email with "I'm sorry if that made you mad".  

First, She's right.  Even though it's hard now, it'll get better.  No matter what, I will be a mom.  It may not be the way we thought it would happen, or maybe it will.  We don't know, but with all this stuff I'm going through now I will appreciate my children so much because of it.  Not that people who got pregnant right off the bat don't appreciate their kids, but this will make my story personal to me, and a little different.  Personally, it's a wonderful thought.  Thank you Allyssa.  

Secondly, You didn't make me mad.  I'm usually okay with it.  I can grin and bare the question of when we're going to have kids most of the time.  Actually it makes me smile that people just know we'll be good parents.  If you don't get the question, that's when you worry.  Ha.  Yeah, I don't usually mind it.  But then there are people who assume that by me saying "soon" I'm saying "Oh, not until things are all perfect"  I don't want to hear "You're never ready, just go for it"  Seriously?  You're never ready?  You can at least try, right?  We're ready.  Mind you, we may need to buy child safe plug covers and maybe something to hide all the wires in the house, but otherwise...READY!  It's ok to ask.  I love that you want that for us too.  I want badly to have that cousin for your Little.  

I struggle sweets, but watching you be pregnant and see you get all cute and just so beautiful, well, it gives me a glimpse into the beauty that is the circle of life.  Thank you for caring.  You mean a lot to me.