7 months...

For 7 months we've had our boy with us now. He's amazing in the way he just jumps right in and does things. No fear, no apprehension, no timid bone in his body. I always wanted an adventurous child. A child who would be willing to try it all, and so far it looks like that's what we have. Our boy is an amazing source of joy and I am so blessed and privileged to be his mother.

The Kid is almost crawling, he pulls himself in whichever direction he'd like to go. He hasn't figured out that if he were to use his legs too it would be so much faster. He gets up on all fours and rocks back and forth. He's so close to being mobile that it just astonishes me how quickly we got from having to sit in front of the living room window to help do away with the jaundice, to now having to baby proof the house. Time has just flown past us.

My boy has two teeth and is definitely working on two more. He's a huge fan of food. He showed interest shortly before the first tooth made an appearance and he hasn't looked back since.

He's entertaining and loves to put on a show. He makes funny faces, smiles and places his hand on your face if you even pay him the slightest bit of attention. He's an incredibly social little guy, and that's forced us to be more social. It's a wonder how children bring you out of your comfort zone.

Tonight will be the first night we go out without him. I'm happy, because this is a little bit of freedom that I didn't have just weeks before. I'm scared, because I've been with him since he was born, and aside from a trip to the gym or the grocery store, I haven't been away from him. I know it'll only be a couple hours, and he loves his uncle, but I'll worry. I'm just wired that way. I'm excited to reconnect with my husband. Just to be able to talk to him over the table or hold his hand, I really am looking forward to tonight.

In the past 7 months my life has changed. I look forward to just taking a stroll with my boy. I look forward to having to run after my child. I look forward to hearing him call me "momma". I look forward to the new adventures we will have. And when I look back I see that this child of mine has given my life a new meaning. And I can't thank him enough for that.

Surreal

I've been meaning to get online and simply type a little something to remind me of the beauty that was my child's birth. Something to put into writing the miracle that took place on the 18th of January. At this point I will simply say that if it hadn't been for my "birth team" and the amazing thing that is hormones and adrenaline and the grace of God, I would still be in that labor room refusing to push or refusing to do what my body was crying out for. It was not by my will alone that this little boy of mine is here. A lot of wonderful people worked really hard at getting him here, and I love them for it.

My husband, who was an amazing strength for me. Not only was he what kept me calm, but he literally pushed my head down into my chest to keep me pushing. I love him eternally for being so wonderful and strong that day.

My mother-in-law, Cindy, for bringing in her knowledge and love and really making me focus and making sure I knew that in the end, even though she really did a lot of work, that I am the one that pushed that baby out.

My mother, for praying her heart out and being a complete ball of tears the moment my child came out. I couldn't have experienced it all the way I did had it not been for her.

The group of nurses that literally got on the floor, got all up in it, and cheered me on. I know they were placed there by a higher power, because I'm just not that lucky.

Being that I never really got together and specified that this would be my "birth team", it all fell into place and I truly could not have had the birth experience that I did without them. I will type out my birth story and specify the wonderful aspects that I remember, but for now, there is a little man that is crying out to be fed. And I will run to him, feed him and make him happy.

Shiver me fevers

"umm, I peed on a stick this morning, because I was feeling sick and the thought that maybe it's a possibility that we may be having a little us (I'm a little late), kept me from taking 'the hard stuff' for this oncoming cold. We're not having a little us...But I can take mucho medicine. WHEE!"

So I'm getting sick, and I'm a little happy I am, because frankly I could probably use a day off. I need to look at things logically. I would love to have a kid now, but the reality is, we just made the decision to focus on JT's career and make sure he's secure in that before we do anything crazy, like have a kid and I quit my job. So I'm not even sure why I had this wishful thinking about me getting pregnant. Maybe it's just a thought I tend to have when I'm late.

The up side, I'm so having coffee. And NyQuil tonight. Oh and a cheeseburger. Ok, maybe not the cheeseburger. But I'll love the heck out of that coffee.

My goodness, time has flown by

This year has been amazing. I gained a Sister-in-law, a Nephew (Liam born 12/14/08), Moved into a house we love renting, marked our 5 year anniversary and I started working out and trying to watch what I ate. There is so much more, but these are the things that really stick out in my mind.

Allyssa and Liam being added to the family has been phenomenal. It's amazing seeing Allyssa with Liam. She's a different woman. I can see that the shy girl we met not too long ago, isn't the same. She's focused on her amazingly beautiful baby boy. She's consumed with him, and it's the most darling thing to watch. She'll sit and watch him. And my heart melts just seeing that. I know next time I see Liam he'll be different. He'll look different, he'll be able to hold up his little head on his own, he may even be able to smile. I am looking forward to seeing him, and just watching him grow up to be an amazing human being.

We love the house we live in now. We're still trying to settle in, but it's happening, and I love it. Yesterday I had a day off from work, so I spent the day straightening up and doing laundry. It was so relaxing. I love the sounds of the house, the smells, the natural light, the wonderful yard. I love living there.

JT and I are 5 years into our marriage and going onto our 6th year. I'm in love with this man. I sit and talk to him and he never fails to crack me up. We sit and just talk nonsense, and it's hilarious. I love it. The most mundane things are made better by him. I think we're a great team. I cook, he cleans. I wash clothes, he helps put them away. I can't thank him enough for making my life so much better.

I am excited to see what this next year will bring. I'm about 3lbs away from having lost 40lbs. I'm excited and that just makes me want to work so much harder at this. I hope this will be the year I get pregnant and we can start growing our little family. I hope this year we prosper. I hope this year I am able to build my friendships stronger. I hope I can solidify my career. I hope I can enjoy the little things in life. Mainly I just want to have fun, no matter what happens this year.

Who asked you?

So as I stood and worked the butt muscles on this weird machine at the gym, Adriann was talking to me, (or possibly laughing at me, not sure) an older lady comes up and tells Adriann in spanish the secret to losing weight. No joke. She tells her that in order to loose weight you have to drink 3 cups of water with lemon in the morning. Go figure. Adriann looks at me to translate, and I just look away. Unfortunately I'm not so good at translating what I think is blogna. So she tells Adriann and myself in broken english the wonderful recipe for weight loss. (Insert me rolling my eyes here) The lady walks away. Only to return a few seconds later to continue with her pearls of wisdom. At this point I can't take it anymore and I tell her we're late, Gotta Run!...And we leave.



Who decided that old people can just come up and be rude? Nosy old bag. That's all that kept wanting to come out of my mouth. But, I was relatively polite. I think if I see her again, I'll kick her in the shins and run away. Way to deflate two girls who are totally on the right track to getting healthy. Nosy old bag.


In other news, I went to the Dr. a couple days ago, and I'm happy to report the Dr. was all smiles and happy with my progress. I'm happy with it too.


We're on baby watch with Allyssa and also my friends Jose and Ana. I can't wait to meet their children. My first niece or nephew and Little James. I'm excited and so happy for them. And their many many many days of diaper changing ahead of them. Ha.

Then it leered its ugly head...

There was the time when I was jealous without even knowing it. I was jealous of a pregnant lady. I've been my fair share of pregnant ladies. And I'm usually the one telling them to "Put down that Coke, and drink water instead!" Or the one that will run with them to 7-11 to get them that much sought after bag of sunflower seeds. But this time was different.

It was a lady from church, and she was plenty older than me. She got married and months later we get the wonderful news that she's expecting a baby. Her pregnancy seemed to last forever. It was torture to me to think that I wasn't in her place. But I didn't realize that's what it was that bugged me until my husband pointed out after my comment that "Wow, she's been pregnant forever" he said something along the lines of "It only seems that way to you". It hit me. I'm jealous.

I tried as hard as I could to not let it bother me. I even went as far as planning a baby shower for her. Anything to chase away those feelings. It didn't help that the whole time at the baby shower she didn't once direct a word toward me. I think it just made my feelings stronger. I struggled with putting those feelings aside and finally, was able to make peace knowing that my time would come...some day. Sounds pretty, but I found it hard. Really hard. I think it helped to just be happy for her.

Now, I'm around pregnancy and it just makes me excited for what may come. But I still remember the feeling of being angry and frustrated, and it scares me. How do I know I won't feel that way again? Thankfully I don't feel that way toward my family's pregnancies.

Allyssa being pregnant gives me the kind of joy I didn't know I could feel. And this will just be my niece or nephew. I already love her baby unconditionally. I want nothing but the best for it. I want them to grow up to be wonerfully amazing human beings. I want to secretly spoil them rotten. I want to tell them ghost stories, take them to toy stores, and have adventures with them, just like my aunt did with me. And having these hopes and dreams for my niece or nephew is what reminds me that there is hope.

Sweets...

My sister-in-law is a sweetheart.  Allyssa is a very sweet girl, and I love her.  I've only known her for a short time, but I have to say the fact that we have a "Cyber" relationship has brought us closer together.  We email frequently.  We email quite frequently.  Whenever my blackberry makes that funny little noise that means I have a message and I see it's her, I MUST read it immediately.  Often I feel I need to reply right away.  I've gotten to know her and love her more with each email.  When I saw her this past weekend, I just wanted to hug her and not let go.  She's having a baby!! This is going to be my first Niece or Nephew.  And it's exciting!  I am so happy that this is happening.  It's a crazy ride, and I hope to be there to help in any way I can.

Allyssa emailed me tonight and said some incredibly kind things to me.  She read my blog and she said something along the lines of "you may have a hard time now, but you know what, it's for the best" and she sweetly ended her email with "I'm sorry if that made you mad".  

First, She's right.  Even though it's hard now, it'll get better.  No matter what, I will be a mom.  It may not be the way we thought it would happen, or maybe it will.  We don't know, but with all this stuff I'm going through now I will appreciate my children so much because of it.  Not that people who got pregnant right off the bat don't appreciate their kids, but this will make my story personal to me, and a little different.  Personally, it's a wonderful thought.  Thank you Allyssa.  

Secondly, You didn't make me mad.  I'm usually okay with it.  I can grin and bare the question of when we're going to have kids most of the time.  Actually it makes me smile that people just know we'll be good parents.  If you don't get the question, that's when you worry.  Ha.  Yeah, I don't usually mind it.  But then there are people who assume that by me saying "soon" I'm saying "Oh, not until things are all perfect"  I don't want to hear "You're never ready, just go for it"  Seriously?  You're never ready?  You can at least try, right?  We're ready.  Mind you, we may need to buy child safe plug covers and maybe something to hide all the wires in the house, but otherwise...READY!  It's ok to ask.  I love that you want that for us too.  I want badly to have that cousin for your Little.  

I struggle sweets, but watching you be pregnant and see you get all cute and just so beautiful, well, it gives me a glimpse into the beauty that is the circle of life.  Thank you for caring.  You mean a lot to me.