Decisions Decisions...

Doula? Midwife? OB? Hospital? Home Birth? Birth Center? Out in the woods?

Man, I'm really having a hard time pinpointing what I'm going to do. I love JT for supporting whichever birth method we'd like to pursue. So far the Dr. has been great. But I worry when it comes down to the actual birth. Just the IV being put into my arm. To the immediate rushing off of my baby as soon as he's born. I have decisions to make. And I'm scared I won't make the right one. The ultimate goal is to have a healthy baby. It's the journey getting there that's scary.

Oh yeah, and then there's everything after...

Lord help me.

Did you feel that?

Most days I'll ask JT to feel my belly when the baby moves a lot, in hopes that he'll feel him kicking. But unfortunately his answer is usually "no". He doesn't stop trying though. And I love him for that. Last night, I was sitting on the couch with my feet up and our baby was kicking up a storm. I looked at JT, and he quickly put his hand on my belly. I asked "Did you feel-" JT cut in with "I think I felt him!" With a smile and some more trying to feel, we ended our evening.

It's amazing to think that it's getting so much closer. Now we'll just have to wait a few more months for him to be tangible for both of us. It's unbelievable. I'm excited and I cannot wait for him to be here.

'Him' will soon be named. Although, I am considering keeping the name a secret until he's born and has been named. I'm not sure people will like our choice in names. Good thing they're not our kid.

Ah the joys of parenthood.

20 weeks...

5 months. 20 weeks. Holy cow time is really flying by. Life has been a whirlwind, which I'm sure only makes things go by that much faster. We're beginning to figure out what we'll do when the birth comes around. Dr's appointments and ultra sounds. It's exciting and all a little scary. I called and made an appointment for another ultra sound, because they want a better look at his heart. That scares me a bit. But I know that there's nothing I can do on my end, but wait it out and hopefully get another happy little look at my darling boy.

We go to Pahrump this weekend. I'm excited to talk to Cindy a little more about our birthing options. I want her to be my midwife, but being that she's in Nevada, it makes things difficult. If nothing more, I'll escape to Nevada for a week or so just to have this kid. I'm unsure of the actual birth. A little scared too.

This weekend I look forward to cooking, eating, playing games, watching movies, hanging out, and possibly swimming. Really just spending a nice long weekend with JT's family is always nice. I'm really happy my brothers are going with us. It makes for a more entertaining weekend. I love my family, they're all amazing, and I can't wait until I introduce this little boy to them all.

Sweet baby boy...

We sat and watched as the Dr. showed us your spine, heart, hands, feet, beautiful face and then she excalimed "Oh there you are, It's a boy!" JT smiled and I couldn't stop smiling either. The minute she said it, it sounded right. I'm the mother of a little boy. A boy that we will show all the cool things to. The little boy who will be interested in the world and I'll be more than happy to encourage his curiosity. The search for names has now begun. This should be fun.

I am excited and so anxious to meet my little boy.

My brother Jason took us out to dinner. He insisted it be a steak dinner. It was expensive, but he wanted to pay. Even when JT offered to pay. My brothers are excited and so are our families. I can't wait until he's here and I can tell him about how long we've waited for him to arrive.

Totally worth the wait.

Shake it...

I've continued to work out during my pregnancy. The Dr. said I should. Being that I wasn't exactly the portrait of health and wasn't at a reasonable weight to begin with. I have continued to go to the gym. I have continued to climb in place or run in place, or...elliptical in place. I do pretty good. I even threw in some swimming and for a while was working the weights, don't worry, low weight, high repetition. I've been trying to eat as healthily as I can. Sometimes I falter, but for the most part I'm doing good.

Now I know, as soon as I type this, I'll balloon up 20lbs. But, I have only gained between 2 - 5lbs during my almost 4 1/2 months. It varies, and Monday when I go to the Dr. it will be set in stone just how much I've gained so far. First two appointments I was the same weight.

I'm not so much afraid of gaining weight. I'm afraid of the slippery slope that pregnancy can be. I've seen people just take being pregnant as a free for all. I do give in to things here and there, but I try so very hard to make the best choice for my child and me. JT asks me every now and then, OK...pretty often, "You taking good care of my baby?" and usually I'll answer, "I'm trying". And that is the Honest To God truth. I try so very hard. I've been craving sweet delicious baked goods. Strawberry tarts. Strawberry short-cake. Banana cream pie. A banana split. Black cherry ice cream, on top of freshly baked sugar cookies. But, I'm saving those cravings for when I just can't shake it. Instead of the goodies I want, I have fruit. Instead of tasty ice cream, I had some sugar-free, fat-free frozen yogurt with fruit on it. Not the same, but it holds me until I can splurge.

Until then, I just have to shake it...

Oof...

I bend to pick something up...Oooof! I roll over in bed...oooof! I try to shave my legs...Ooof!

I don't think I look much different, besides maybe some slight swelling in my chest area and maybe some discomfort in the belly area if there is any pressure there. But I feel like I look the same. However, it's the little things I try to do, like bend over to grab my bag, or to pick something up, and I hear these noises coming out. "uhh.." or "Ooof" I have begun noticing that things are changing. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

In a little over a week we'll hopefully find out if we're having a boy or a girl. We're excited. I'm extremely excited to have JT with me to see the baby. It's an amazing thing to see. I can't wait.

You must have heard me...

Last night I was telling JT that I didn't particularly feel pregnant. I started heavier than most women do at the beginning of their pregnancies. I haven't put on any weight, but sometimes I do feel some heaviness where my baby lies. Most of the time though, I don't feel pregnant.

I wake up this morning, shower, get ready, and as I stand in front of the mirror, I see my nose looks swollen. I think maybe it's just allergies or possibly this ear ache I have, but I turn and ask JT, "Does my nose look swollen to you?" he smiles and says "yes, actually, it kind of does".

I turn to put on one of the new shirts I bought not too long ago, and as I'm buttoning it up, the bottom button does really keep the two sides of the shirt together all that well. I laugh and tell JT his kid is making it so that my shirts don't fit in the tummy area. He smiles, tells me I'm beautiful and tells me to go buy new shirts for myself.

Just as I say that I don't feel pregnant, you make yourself known. I will be 4 months in a few days and I'm excited. I'm almost 1/2 way there. That's scary, exciting, and really unbelievable. How is it possible that in just a few short months I'll have you in my arms? We are so blessed, and the minute you are in our arms, covered in kisses, you will know it too.